


Hurt

by teaspoonbooks27



Category: Ranger's Apprentice - John Flanagan
Genre: Depression, Minor Self Harm, No Dialogue, Parental Halt O'Carrick, Song fic, sad fic, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaspoonbooks27/pseuds/teaspoonbooks27
Summary: Halt loses everything that mattersSong Fic for Jonny Cash’s “Hurt”.Warning: minor self harm, character death, depression.
Relationships: Halt O'Carrick & Will Treaty
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a little different for me. I know it’s short and a little disorganized, but so is Halt.

_I hurt myself today_

_To see if I still feel_

To anyone else, it would’ve look as though the knife had just slipped, it would have looked like an accident. And that is what he’d tell anyone if they asked. Not that there was anyone around anymore to ask. Blood oozed from the deep cut on Halt’s hand. He stared blankly at it, watching the blood

Drip

Drip

Drip

Onto the floor.

  
_I focus on the pain_

_The only thing that’s real_

Halt mindlessly placed gauze onto the wound, not bothering to apply the soothing salve, then wrapped a bandage around his hand. Tightly. Tighter than it need to be. The cut stung, and Halt breathed deeply. For a moment, the pain crashed upon him like a wave, drowning out the aching in his heart. But like all waves, the sharp pain from the cut receded, leaving Halt to face his grief. 

_The needle tears a hole_

_The old familiar sting_

_Try to kill it all away_

_But I remember everything_

Halt check the mail that was thrown on the table in a useless attempt to distract himself. The memory of Will’s death was in the front of his mind, like it always was. Nothing he could do would erase it. No amount of missions, or training, or alcohol could push it back.

Halt ignored the invitation to the Ranger’s Gathering. He knew that he wouldn’t be attending, no matter how many times Crowley had asked him to.

Will would have been graduating at this Gathering. But Will would never get the chance to trade in his bronze oak leaf for a silver one.

He was buried in the bronze oak leaf.

After it had been cleansed of his blood.

So much blood.

Halt shook his head, but he couldn’t stop seeing the blood. Smelling it. Feeling it’s heat as it seeped through his fingers during his attempt to slow the bleeding.

Another thing he had failed at.

It should have been a simple mission. It’s should have been a quick in and out with minimal action. Will should have made it out unhurt.

_What have I become_

_My sweetest friend?_

_Everyone I know_

_Goes away in the end_

Halt had become fairly successful at pushing everyone away. Pauline didn’t bother writing letters to him anymore, not after so many had gone unread, now ashes in the fireplace. Gilan tried, he really did. He took as much time off as he could. He stayed with Halt for weeks after Will’s funeral. He cleaned and cooked and tried to get Halt back into training. But it hurt Halt too much to have his former apprentice around, Gilan’s youthful energy reminding him of the boy he lost. So Halt pushed him away too. Crowley was the only one who still tried to contact him, and that was almost exclusively for Ranger related matters.

_And you could have it all_

_My empire of dirt_

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt_

While the angry, unresponsive attitude Halt gave off would probably have pushed everyone away eventually, what really did it was his mad quest for revenge. Gilan told him that Will wouldn’t want Halt to become so focused on finding that man who took his life. Pauline tried to explain that revenge wouldn’t help him heal. Crowley warned him about the consequences he could face if he kept abandoning his Ranger duties to hunt down Will’s killer.

But Halt ignored them all. He had to find the man that did this to him. The man that took his son.

_If I could start again_

_A million miles away_

_I will keep myself_

_I would find a way_

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on Tumblr @ forgedroyalseal


End file.
